Friday, November 30, 2007
Neither Nor
I'm generally a bit miffed this week. I think the weather has been having a big effect on my mood and I have been sleeping really badly and generally been a bit out of sorts so am probably a bit more oversensitive than normal. This week I have been mostly miffed that I seem to be so forgettable to people (it's either that or people really don't actually like me). I was miffed earlier in the week when I overheard one of the PhD students inviting another one of the students out for drinks that evening. I wasn't visible when this conversation was happening but I was miffed I didn't get an email or head round my office door to invite me out. And then last night I saw there was a departmental event which it seemed like all the students had gone along to, without saying to me that they were going along or anything like that.
I kind of understand why I might get left out of things more often than others in that I share an office which is all boring or unpopular post docs rather than being around the students and stuff in the main office. But it seems to be happening quite a lot and is really getting me down. I think one of the reasons it is bothering me quite a lot is that I still don't feel like I have really settled in this department. I am about the most junior post doc in the group and am generally quite different to most of the other staff and students here. I am currently based in a department which is a very different field to that which I studied at undergraduate and postgraduate level, I'm a different gender to most of the staff and generally feel I have very little in common with the people I work with. I probably have most in common with a couple of the students so when I feel excluded by them (even if it's inadvertant exclusion on their part) it feels a bit like I am being excluded even more by the department as a whole.
I just feel out of place in so many ways, being confused as a student again, being left out of socialising by the actual students here and all sorts. Still I think this is enough self pitying for now and I should pull my finger out and get back to the data analysis.
I kind of understand why I might get left out of things more often than others in that I share an office which is all boring or unpopular post docs rather than being around the students and stuff in the main office. But it seems to be happening quite a lot and is really getting me down. I think one of the reasons it is bothering me quite a lot is that I still don't feel like I have really settled in this department. I am about the most junior post doc in the group and am generally quite different to most of the other staff and students here. I am currently based in a department which is a very different field to that which I studied at undergraduate and postgraduate level, I'm a different gender to most of the staff and generally feel I have very little in common with the people I work with. I probably have most in common with a couple of the students so when I feel excluded by them (even if it's inadvertant exclusion on their part) it feels a bit like I am being excluded even more by the department as a whole.
I just feel out of place in so many ways, being confused as a student again, being left out of socialising by the actual students here and all sorts. Still I think this is enough self pitying for now and I should pull my finger out and get back to the data analysis.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
I'm a doctor dammit
I don't know what it is about me but I got mistaken as a PhD student again today. This time by a theory student who has recently started coming to our group meetings. I have no idea what it is about me which seems to give the impression I'm still a student. Possibly my totally rubbish and informal way of presenting my work at group meetings.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
1 year on
Today is exactly one year on from my PhD viva. It seems strange and much much longer ago than just a year. I'm suprised and pleased with myself at how quickly I seem to have got over the viva trauma and got on with things, especially as I was so completely and totally horribly angry and upset about it all for a long time, now I'm mostly disassociated from it.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Non transferable skills
I was having a think on the walk to work this morning about all the emphasis on transferable skills that PhD students and research staff are meant to develop during their studies and careers. I'm one of the few people who seem to like, or at least not mind doing courses and stuff, I am definitely the sort of person who learns better from being taught and shown stuff, rather than motivate myself to learn it out of a book or whatever for myself. What I was really thinking about though was that there seems to be a lot less emphasis on courses and learning the skills, background knowledge and theory of whatever the PhD/research is on. I know I have been pretty odd and probably a bit unlucky with the way my research career is panning out, but I can't help but think that I am already pretty well equipped with general personable transferable skill type things and what I am really missing are the skills to make me a better and more knowledgable specialist in my field.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Ooops
It's been longer than I thought since I updated this. Nothing much has been going on, lab stuff is pootling on. Have ended up having a good week in the lab and looking forward to continuing it through with some bigger experiments next week. The success this week was really reassuring after having a rotten time towards the end of the previous week (mostly self inflicted by repeat spack attacks in the lab!)
The gym thing is still going really well and I still haven't lost any weight but I'm pretty sure my trousers are all looser on me which is nice. I'm looking forward to loosing more inches and going out and buying a couple of nice outfits for all the Christmas parties I have. One of the benefits of being part of lots of different labs and departments is getting invited to lots of Christmas parties and social events.
Also been quite busy recently doing a lot of volunteering. The volunteering thing is weird as I enjoy doing it as I find it's a good way to hang out with totally different people to whom I usually hang out with and also it's important to me to feel like I'm giving back to society, especially as I have what I percieve to be quite a selfish job (my research is interesting and important but not easily classifiable into directly good for society type work like some research can be seen as). A lot of people seem to find it odd that I give up my time to do something where I don't get paid or appear to get any direct material benefit but I have always thought there is more to life than money and that sort of thing so I am still happy doing it even if other people don't ever get it.
The gym thing is still going really well and I still haven't lost any weight but I'm pretty sure my trousers are all looser on me which is nice. I'm looking forward to loosing more inches and going out and buying a couple of nice outfits for all the Christmas parties I have. One of the benefits of being part of lots of different labs and departments is getting invited to lots of Christmas parties and social events.
Also been quite busy recently doing a lot of volunteering. The volunteering thing is weird as I enjoy doing it as I find it's a good way to hang out with totally different people to whom I usually hang out with and also it's important to me to feel like I'm giving back to society, especially as I have what I percieve to be quite a selfish job (my research is interesting and important but not easily classifiable into directly good for society type work like some research can be seen as). A lot of people seem to find it odd that I give up my time to do something where I don't get paid or appear to get any direct material benefit but I have always thought there is more to life than money and that sort of thing so I am still happy doing it even if other people don't ever get it.
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