Sophie's Socks and Stuff

Finally back to the relative normality of Leeds for a bit after a very tiring week at the most boring conference ever. The fact that the talks were boring wasn't that much of an issue but the fact that it was so poorly organised was.

I can't really believe I'm almost at the end of my PhD now. It's a bit scary really. I've never really planned anything and mostly I just go with the flow but I really love the science work I do and I want to keep doing it as well and as happily I can manage. To carry on with this requires planning I think and I've never been one for much planning and organising and stuff. I seem to change my mind every week about where I want to work. Originally I was never going to stick around after my PhD but then I decided I wanted to stick around with my chemistry supervisor, then he didn't get money to keep me so I thought maybe I should go, then I decided I really wanted to stick about whatever and now I've just heard that the specialist research centre I work in is likely to close down after the resignation of the director and now I don't know what I want to do.

I've learnt so much, both academically and personally that in a way I don't want it to end and I'm getting to the point where I can understand why so many people take so long writing up and generally hanging about after the 3 funded years.

I've never done the weighing thing (mostly because I'm so unbelievably lazy it's too much hassle to get the scales out!) but I have definitely put on a fair bit of weight. I never really see that much of me as I don't have any full length mirrors at home so generally I think I look OK but out shopping for cheapy clothes I was struck by how tight some of them were over my hips and just how squat I look. I think I have reverse anorexia, I always think I look more attractive than I really am (although obviously not at the moment or I wouldn't be writing this post).

Bleugh. Just feeling a bit mooped at the moment. Still fretting about all the things I have to get done in the next few weeks, especially exams and stuff and just annoyed at lack of money and fun. I don't really have anything very positive to look forward to (well I probably do but at the moment it's shrouded in glum). At the moment the future looks like; Lots and lots of work, no money, lots of thesis writing work, still no money/debt, looking for a job who knows where doing who knows what.

Got really quite depressed the other day when I saw a friend looking totally gorgeous and happy and glam with her lovely new boyfriend. I'm really pleased for her that she's happy and everything but she seems to have it all and it feels like I'm losing it all at the moment.

Hmmm. That's quite enough whinging for one day, if I go on like this much more I'm liable to go to bed and never bother getting up again and I really need to go home and prepare for tomorrow's exam.