Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Run Down
Meh, everything is ticking along well workwise and I'm feeling a lot better in myself mentally and with how my life is than I have done in a really long time. So now my brain is totally in gear it seems like the rest of my body has given up. I don't usually get sick at all and am often annoyingly healthy but currently I feel totally wiped out and run down. My hayfever is horrid and I've been stuck with trying to shake off a stupid cold for the past few weeks. I know I need to get back into going to the gym and sorting out my eating habits but it just hasn't happened so far. It's all a question of balance and at the moment I feel like I'm bouncing from one end to the other.
Hmmmmm I think I have just talked myself into going home early today. Nice one!
Hmmmmm I think I have just talked myself into going home early today. Nice one!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Drip Drip Drip
Although work is going well at the moment it's all a bit depressing around here. In the past month or so I have found out that 3 of the soundest, friendliest and brightest people I know in the group have decided to leave permanently. The first person had just been awarded a massive fellowship and originally left for a long sports holiday between finishing his contract and starting his fellowship but the current news is he is now working full time for a company and not sounding like he's going to to come back with the fellowship.
Another friend (who specialises in the same technique as sporty fellowship boy) is also leaving after being offered a great post doc elsewhere with opportunities to use some new shiny equipment and really exciting cutting edge technical/method development. I'm really pleased for him as it's a great opportunity but he will be really missed in the group as he is so laid back and relaxed and helpful and damn good at experiments.
The third, and saddest leaver is one of the PhD students. As far as I knew she had been getting on really well, she had completed a paper at the end of her first year and was really confident and working hard and doing quite different stuff to the rest of the group. Unfortunately it seems like she had a total breakdown in her relationship with her main supervisor and ended up quitting. From the sound of things she threatened to quit and no one made any effort to persuade her to stay. After 2 years of effort and with plenty enough results to fill a thesis it seems such a shame. It also really highlights the poor and/or peculiar management styles that go on around here. It has really struck me over the past month or so since I have been thinking about future careers and doing the odd development course how much I need positive encouragement and constructive feedback to bring the best out of me. This is probably a huge generalisation but I think women tend to get more paranoid about their place at work, probably a hangover from bitchy schooldays (I'm sure this is where it comes from for me) and need much more positive help especially from people in authority, otherwise we end up self doubting mentalists putting on a huge 'I can cope' front with everything crumbling behind. There's plenty more I could say on this topic but that's probably best saved for another post.
Another friend (who specialises in the same technique as sporty fellowship boy) is also leaving after being offered a great post doc elsewhere with opportunities to use some new shiny equipment and really exciting cutting edge technical/method development. I'm really pleased for him as it's a great opportunity but he will be really missed in the group as he is so laid back and relaxed and helpful and damn good at experiments.
The third, and saddest leaver is one of the PhD students. As far as I knew she had been getting on really well, she had completed a paper at the end of her first year and was really confident and working hard and doing quite different stuff to the rest of the group. Unfortunately it seems like she had a total breakdown in her relationship with her main supervisor and ended up quitting. From the sound of things she threatened to quit and no one made any effort to persuade her to stay. After 2 years of effort and with plenty enough results to fill a thesis it seems such a shame. It also really highlights the poor and/or peculiar management styles that go on around here. It has really struck me over the past month or so since I have been thinking about future careers and doing the odd development course how much I need positive encouragement and constructive feedback to bring the best out of me. This is probably a huge generalisation but I think women tend to get more paranoid about their place at work, probably a hangover from bitchy schooldays (I'm sure this is where it comes from for me) and need much more positive help especially from people in authority, otherwise we end up self doubting mentalists putting on a huge 'I can cope' front with everything crumbling behind. There's plenty more I could say on this topic but that's probably best saved for another post.
journal dilemma
Finally got my paper all ready to submit to biochemistry but now I don't know whether to actually submit it to Biochemical Journal which apparently has the better impact factor these days. I have no idea what to do. The choice is mine, unfortunately I'm a very very indecisive person. oh dear.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Flattered
Today I was at a workshop with quite a few PhD students and at the end one of the chemists said to me it was great to meet someone a bit quirky and show that you can still be very much yourself and still come across as a professional scientist. I always worry about having turned into a totally tedious stereotypical geeky physicist so it was really nice to be a positive role model for someone who thought I was cool. I
What am I?
Well I'm not an academic! I'm thinking more and more what sort of career/job would suit me when I come to the end of my contract in May and I'm still stuck. I was a biochemist and that was all cool and groovy and straightforward protein purification, characterisation science. Then I got a PhD which was going to be all nicey nice biochemistry science but mutated into loitering around a lab on top of a chemistry department and definitely the realms of physical sciences. These days I'm in a physics department but mostly loitering on top of chemistry with the odd excursion back with the biochemists. I feel like I've lost more skills than I have gained, especially in the realms of self confidence.
Monday, June 02, 2008
Square Peg in a Round Hole
I've just come back from an excellent training course which has come at pretty much the perfect time for me and was perfect for me and where I am right now. I've been having a rubbish time recently and have a lot of hard stuff coming up. Anyway one of the things I have really realised recently that I am a square peg in a round research hole. However much I think I want a researchy career I am not going to fit or be comfortable in it, especially the direction in which my research has taken me. So now I am at the point I think where I need to find what shape I really am and what shape hole would suit me first.
The future, it looks terrifying!
The future, it looks terrifying!
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