Wednesday, April 13, 2005
What happened to me?
I have no idea really. I think it's been a gradual decline. I met up with an old schoolfriend last week and was chatting about how much of a pleb I've become and she felt she was similar. I can't believe that at school I used to do ballet and at least one other type of dancing a week, guides until I was 14, played the violin loads (lessons, string groups and local youth orchestras), played piano, listened to a huge variety of music and read loads of "improving literature".
I absolutely hated school. I think my teenage years were the worst ever but I did heaps out of school. These days I like my work/education better but I am a useless pleb otherwise. I sometimes go to the St John ambulance meetings because I think I really need to do something current to bung on my CV and sometimes I get into reading the odd book (usually Terry Pratchett or some kind of fantasy or chick lit) but nothing like the classic and contemporary novels I used to devour 10 years ago. I daren't go near a musical instrument because I'm right back at beginner level now. Heck, I don't even listen to anything very complicated even, maybe the odd bit of Vaughan Williams while cooking or hoovering but nothing particularly different.
I suppose my life mostly feels like a big heap of nothing. I get happy if I get a good experimental result in the lab but I'm not exactly motivated to write it up and look up new stuff to develop and understand it more. I'm happy enough hanging out with my boyfriend and going out for the odd meal or beer and staying in and watching TV but I really don't feel like I do anything. I keep saying I must but it's always the same old same old. Eventually get up, potter about have breakfast, get to work check emails and blogs and talkboards and mostly arse about, maybe potter about town at lunch then same in the afternoon and go home or to the pub. God it looks even sadder written down. I just really, really don't seem to be able to pick myself up and get going to try and achieve anything.
I absolutely hated school. I think my teenage years were the worst ever but I did heaps out of school. These days I like my work/education better but I am a useless pleb otherwise. I sometimes go to the St John ambulance meetings because I think I really need to do something current to bung on my CV and sometimes I get into reading the odd book (usually Terry Pratchett or some kind of fantasy or chick lit) but nothing like the classic and contemporary novels I used to devour 10 years ago. I daren't go near a musical instrument because I'm right back at beginner level now. Heck, I don't even listen to anything very complicated even, maybe the odd bit of Vaughan Williams while cooking or hoovering but nothing particularly different.
I suppose my life mostly feels like a big heap of nothing. I get happy if I get a good experimental result in the lab but I'm not exactly motivated to write it up and look up new stuff to develop and understand it more. I'm happy enough hanging out with my boyfriend and going out for the odd meal or beer and staying in and watching TV but I really don't feel like I do anything. I keep saying I must but it's always the same old same old. Eventually get up, potter about have breakfast, get to work check emails and blogs and talkboards and mostly arse about, maybe potter about town at lunch then same in the afternoon and go home or to the pub. God it looks even sadder written down. I just really, really don't seem to be able to pick myself up and get going to try and achieve anything.
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