Friday, November 30, 2007
Neither Nor
I'm generally a bit miffed this week. I think the weather has been having a big effect on my mood and I have been sleeping really badly and generally been a bit out of sorts so am probably a bit more oversensitive than normal. This week I have been mostly miffed that I seem to be so forgettable to people (it's either that or people really don't actually like me). I was miffed earlier in the week when I overheard one of the PhD students inviting another one of the students out for drinks that evening. I wasn't visible when this conversation was happening but I was miffed I didn't get an email or head round my office door to invite me out. And then last night I saw there was a departmental event which it seemed like all the students had gone along to, without saying to me that they were going along or anything like that.
I kind of understand why I might get left out of things more often than others in that I share an office which is all boring or unpopular post docs rather than being around the students and stuff in the main office. But it seems to be happening quite a lot and is really getting me down. I think one of the reasons it is bothering me quite a lot is that I still don't feel like I have really settled in this department. I am about the most junior post doc in the group and am generally quite different to most of the other staff and students here. I am currently based in a department which is a very different field to that which I studied at undergraduate and postgraduate level, I'm a different gender to most of the staff and generally feel I have very little in common with the people I work with. I probably have most in common with a couple of the students so when I feel excluded by them (even if it's inadvertant exclusion on their part) it feels a bit like I am being excluded even more by the department as a whole.
I just feel out of place in so many ways, being confused as a student again, being left out of socialising by the actual students here and all sorts. Still I think this is enough self pitying for now and I should pull my finger out and get back to the data analysis.
I kind of understand why I might get left out of things more often than others in that I share an office which is all boring or unpopular post docs rather than being around the students and stuff in the main office. But it seems to be happening quite a lot and is really getting me down. I think one of the reasons it is bothering me quite a lot is that I still don't feel like I have really settled in this department. I am about the most junior post doc in the group and am generally quite different to most of the other staff and students here. I am currently based in a department which is a very different field to that which I studied at undergraduate and postgraduate level, I'm a different gender to most of the staff and generally feel I have very little in common with the people I work with. I probably have most in common with a couple of the students so when I feel excluded by them (even if it's inadvertant exclusion on their part) it feels a bit like I am being excluded even more by the department as a whole.
I just feel out of place in so many ways, being confused as a student again, being left out of socialising by the actual students here and all sorts. Still I think this is enough self pitying for now and I should pull my finger out and get back to the data analysis.
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It's easy to get depressed in a new place. I say you invite yourself. Just say, "hey I heard there is X event going on, are you going? I'd like to go."
It may feel like you are imposing but do it anyway.
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It may feel like you are imposing but do it anyway.
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